It is an irony.

The previous post goes unfulfilled, as God willed that I, be cast into the spotlight of obligation.
Weighed down heavily by responsibility, my mental back strains and breaks ever so slightly, ever so slowly.

Inevitable, that I drag myself from the depths of a hellish week to an oasis of a weekend. Before the storm. Before field camp.

Life is full of surprises, and I tell myself, this is exactly what I live for; that this is, in the end, a journey full of experiences - experiences that make my life interesting. Why then, am I chained to anxiety?

A moodiness overcomes my senses and I am left, robbed of time and bereft of rest. Perhaps my paranoia is unjustified. Or is it?


I feel like a caged bird.

"I have no rest, I have no say, and I long to be free one day."

There are some days when I can't wait to get up, get out and get going. And then there are other days where I just...

Don't really want to.

There's no need for a reason. But lets say there is, and if there is, it would just be summarised as

MOOD.

or whim. or fancy. (and whatever else pleases you.)

Life would be nicely and quietly spent observing other people try, strive, succeed and fail. It would be the stories of their lives viewed like a motion picture, in real time - no cuts, no second takes. No risk, no risk at all. Just sit by, quietly, invisibly watching them with vapid interest like I would a monkey performing a trick.
Or tricks.

There is absolutely no need for me to do anything.

This week in the infamously unpredictable island East-North-East of the Red Dot, I give up smiling, joking, being obsessively cheerful and encouraging. It would be nice to withdraw once in a while.


Its time to just observe
and write.