Been trawling for lost memories..
I search in the murky depths of my mind, for the slivers of thought that still cling to them; items & the people they point to. Like the faded pieces of writing that lie around, slowly crumbling but crumbling nonetheless into dust. The fresh ink is fresh no more, and only the faint outline remains; only the traces of the once-clear memories linger.
The many dreams and the many shes, the smiles of hers.. all a fuzzy, static haze, sepia with time. Memories are graveyards sometimes.. graveyards of wistful could-have-beens. To be visited once a year on a random day, when sleep has hidden itself and the melancholic mood beckons.
I have chased so many, many dreams only to give them up halfway. A curse perhaps? A plague of perennial failure? Why is it, that what I want is not what I get, but that I hate what I become? A creature of comfort, of futility - is this me? Slack in the embrace of relative wealth, the man becomes a spineless vegetable. Where is my happiness?