Is a blessing beyond measure.

Walking around Bugis, adrift and alone, drives home the aching loneliness of well, being alone. Not so much the lack of a girl, but more so the lack of a companion, a friend. Wandering about, circling the entire place 4, 5 times, every floor, every nook and cranny, every toilet.. This was my fate yesterday. Stupidly, I left my earphones at home.

Was feeling empty. Guess being dehydrated and downing two cans of Suntory Coffee doesn't help either. I was so bored, I went down to the boombox (a.k.a. arcade) and watched people kill creeps on House of the Dead 4 (or was it 5? is there even a 5?) and pros whack the drum machine and scoring perfect combos. Sad huh.

The happiness I felt when dad, flor, and little bro jon met up with me for dinner, was a mixture of relief, joy and comfort. Where we go and what to eat for dinner became an irrevelant question, as long as we were together. The fatigue lifted, or at least, was held at bay.

No matter how upset I get with the family, I guess when I'm lonely, they more than make up for it. haha

And no euge, I wasn't chionging CS.. haha, though I might.. lolness, but I still prefer Left 4 Dead.. lol

Didn't church with her on Sunday. She's with the cousins. Or so she says. I asked her to go cycling today. I asked on Thursday. She said it was a nice idea and would get back to me about it. She hasn't. She'll probably sms me later today to say she forgot, or that she's busy. Or she won't sms at all.

I think I should give up trying.
I think, I should write a letter.


This is what I want to write in the letter:

"Hi.

I kinda wonder a little at why what we have (if we even have anything at all) is getting so cold. But I think I know the answer. You either noticed and don't give a damn, or noticed and didn't give a damn. So which is it? If you are playing games, I am sorry, its not having any other effect except driving me away. Maybe that's what you want. Well, congrats, you have succeeded.

Because, I am not one to chase. It is, a fucking waste of my time and effort. Hope you find your Mr. Right (or Mr. Chase), because, it definitely isn't me. How about that guy you were practically gushing about? The one that can drive you around and bring you to nice posh restaurants, who makes loads of effort to please? Oh, and I don't think we can be friends either. Not because of me, but because of you. You can't seem to take me liking you and me being friends with you. Either that, or we have different definitions of friendship. Regardless, I think its safe to delete me from your contact list, because, I think I probably will.

Merry Christmas."

But I probably wouldn't.


Though its tempting.