My shoulders feel heavy.

Reality is sinking in, and its not just the reality that the exams are over. This reality, is the realisation that I have to go into the army, have to start making money and how time and schedules start to get tighter, like a noose around the neck. Would I have time for my friends? Would they have time for me?

The world's beginning to seem like a really crazy place. Consumerism seems to be therapy for lonely hearts. The inner cry for someone to notice the bleeding and make it stop. But the clothes and the toys don't seem to staunch the bloody flow.

And yes, fear, a very real fear of what is to come, and what is to go. Death leaves a bloody hole in everyone who cares for you; loves you. And I wonder, how many holes can I take before I succumb and die.

I have come back from Japan, to a warm welcome by my dearest besties.. thanks, you guys have no idea how much it means to me.. ^^ spending time one on one with daddy was a dream come true. Though there was a little friction due to prolonged exposure, it was the most memorable trip I have ever had. I have gotten to know him so much more, and... love him so much more. I know I am not where I want to be as a son, and there were some disappointing moments... may God grant me the time to make you proud. I love you dad

But for now, I will live however I choose to live, and leave the future in God's hands, and the past in my memories, I shall remember them fondly. Because.. what else can I do.



I am missing Japan.