haha, the Pact.
This will be the last (hopefully).
May God give me the strength.


It is amusing when young kids try to imitate adults. And equally amusing when adults behave like little kids. It never ceases to make me laugh. Afterall, age is a very poor indication of maturity. I realised a long time ago, that mom always used terms like, "your problem", "your house", "your car" and especially "your children" whenever she gets mad at dad (which is very frequent btw).

One question: Are they not the woman's too?

My friends always wonder: why does Joshua have such a close, happy relationship with his dad and why does he dislike his mom? Afterall, its dad who's involved in an affair while mom is the victim apparent.

Well, I would say first and foremost, that stereotypes like this are just that, stereotypes. Dad has his reasons for doing what he did. Be they justified or not in the world's eyes or whatever conventional morality you might want to bring up, he did what he believed was the best way forward.

I won't bother explaining my dad's reasons in detail. Suffice to say he had no love for mom and was strongly repulsed by her character. True or not, right or not, its not up to you to decide.

Let me tell you what I was seeing instead. A calm, loving dad towards his kids, always attentive to our problems, took genuine interest in our lives, was willing to put aside the hubris that came with the status of being a parent and became more than a father. He became a friend.

Mom was, and still is, angsty, bad-tempered and downright childish. She is almost always in a negative mood, constantly picking fights, quarrelsome, overbearing, authoritarian, a total "control freak". Didn't bother trying to understand us, but rather enforced her traditional (and outdated) views of parenting. Did I mention that she is entirely irrational and controlled by her emotions? When one cannot control one's emotions, its not wrong. Its weak. She views respect as her right. We must obey because she is the mom. But dad taught us that respect must be gained. Obedience is never truly obedience unless out of love.

Mom says she still loves dad, that she wants to reconcile. But all I see is an overflow of anger, rage, bitterness, hate and angst. Unable to partition her mind, she directs all of it at us children too. Her incessant naggings and scoldings do little to endear us to her. Instead, she pushes everyone away with her horrid behaviour. She does things to hurt dad as much as possible. Is that love? Would you hurt someone you love? Would you threaten someone you love? Would you hurt the people who are dear to the person you love? (eg: dad's parents)

True, mom stays home with us, while we see dad less frequently. But staying home with the kids and spending more time with them does not have any normative value at all. Instead, its the quality and not the quantity that matters. I would rather not spend any time with mom at all. All she does is nag, and try to control what I eat, read, watch, drink, when I sleep, where I go. I can never talk to her about the deep stuff, the stuff I talk to dad, zai, alex and xiu. She is like an emotional sink, draining you of all happiness and joy, casting a shadow over your day.

Are all women like her? I believe not. Only the little girls are, and those are the ones to avoid: the childish, immature, bitchy and dumb ones.

Am I judging my mom? I don't think so. I am not normatively evaluating her. After all,

there is no absolute right and wrong.

Morality is a social construct that the blind masses subscribe to mindlessly. There is only what you like, and what you don't. So if someone does something to displease you, it is only "wrong" to you.

In the case of my mom, I am only saying, I don't like her because of her behaviour and attitude and character. "but..! your dad's in the wrong! your mom's the victim!" Sorry, you don't know the full story.

Convention does not hold with me.

I would say that me and dad, we are the victims of an immature girl in a woman's body.

There is no such thing as "righteous". At least, it is not to be defined by man (or girl). Would you consider the Middle Ages crusader who went around killing Muslims as righteous? He was to his own people. Would you consider the terrorist who blew himself up and killed the surrounding people as righteous? His was to his bunch of religious zealots. So, what is "righteous" to you is not to me, and vice versa.



And on the subject of "rights": its an illusion.