the past two days have been one of the most fun i've had in tjc ever since i came here. fighting to conquer the physical pain and working together as a team was the most pain for pleasure ever.. i really felt like crying when it came to the chin ups.. i'm such a weakling. kayaking around and getting the one-star cert really made this weekend stand out from so many boring others. in oac(razy), when the haze of pain clears, i see so much more clearly.. its an esoteric feeling. addicted. Somehow, when we train hard and it hurts bad, we feel like quitting and just go join some slack pdp. Its the fog of agony that deludes the mind. And i'm lovin' it.

Oh yeah, i'm so behind in my work that i seriously wonder how i'm gonna pass my june test. oh well. play hard, train hard, mug hard. Was running the 5k route when my knee started hurting. alot. limped my way back to the sports complex and joined the twinkle club. haha. am gonna get an m.c. for my arms. can't do chin-ups cos its (i guess) overstrained. grr.. the helplessness everytime we have to do chin ups.. real pathetic.

she's on my mind again..

today was the usual rollercoaster ride. getting quite used to this form of mental torture. she will hang out with the other guys (to socialise? be friendly? make me jealous? cos i know i am.) and i will hang out with other girls and pretend the world over is fine. i don't want to be in some psychotic jealous paranoia. it sucks. i realised: whenever i think (and feel) that we are something more than friends cos she's nice to me, she starts to do something to kill the feeling. This morning, we were avoiding each other for God knows what. couldn't stand it. fixed the permanent smile on my face and went to hang out with jess, mj and jeanette. then she was nice to me for awhile, went to the library together to finish up some work. wanted to accompany her on the way home, and she seemed ok with it. then later on, she wasn't. i realised also: girls change moods very quickly. well, so do i.