So here's the low down of yesterday.

As usual, sze sian was so dao during oac training, but so nice after the training.. the contrast was amusing to see. I like her style. reminds me of me. The route we ran wasn't that tough, no slopes and funny gradients to conquer.. just lots of resting at the traffic lights and then the carrying of yong at the last three hundred metres. yong, had the time of your life, didn't you? ahaha.. then we began log training. sheer agony. i cried. the pain was too much. think my arms haven't recovered one bit. thanks eugene, for lifting my spirits even when you weren't here.. i'm not a weakling; i'm human. my right calf muscle hurts insanely whenever i put weight on it. can't walk, so no surprise i'm home instead of in school. and yeah, eugene's sick too.

i finally worked up the courage to tell her how i felt about our current situation.. but as expected.. its because of me (what can i say? i told you so?), how rude i was to jialiang on monday in k.i. class, how arrogant i was, how i didn't want to talk to her after all that, etc etc.

I'm sorry if i appeared rude to jialiang. if i'm arrogant, i will change. but i wasn't trying to avoid you, you were avoiding me. and no, it didn't start this monday, it started ever since carian. i'm sorry. i wasn't thinking. i did the wrong thing. i made you unhappy. its all me. yup, its cos i like you, i want you. want us to be friends. then more than that. but what do you want, hmm? tell me soon, before everything falls apart. (not a bad idea actually, starting everything from scratch.)

perhaps you are confused about what you want? unsure of whether you are making me think the wrong thing? (you are. cos i'm feeling so avoided.) need more time...? tell me whatever you want, i'll give it to you. only one thing i ask of you: be as friendly to me as you are to other guys.

please.