maybe its because of literature, that i'm so sensitive to the little nuances that change around me.. perhaps its because of lit that i read too much into simple things. and make a big mess out of nothing. (so shut up, joshua.)

i realised yesterday true feelings don't change (much) at all. circumstances might hurt you, but the underlying strong emotions remain constant, a lifeboat out of the storms of life. maybe its just her to be that way, so i'll compromise. i can almost tell when she's annoyed. (i think its kinda cute, actually..) made me panic yesterday. (yes, the nick was stupid, real stupid.)

joshua: xiu, should i apologise?
xiu: apologise for?
joshua: making things seem awkward?
xiu: apologising would make things seem even more awkward!
joshua: really..? so i should do nothing?
xiu: you are really caught in a situation.. you can't plan out your next step until you know how she feels towards you.
joshua: i don't. i think its real negative...
xiu: i am a girl, i'm trying to figure it out. you know what? i think you should just go and do what you want to, and not leave any regrets. if by not doing anything, would not leave any regrets, fine, but... if it does, then do something.

i did. i had to. i apologised or "life's got no meaning".

this little conversation with xiu really reinforced what euge said to me "be yourself".

like me for who i am, not for who i try to be.

i still don't know how she feels.

i guess there's a first time for everything, and a noob has to make his mistakes.. oh well. (i guess the only thing i know is when you are unhappy.)

gotta be more positive! (i mean, look at picture 6.)

she looks real beautiful when she smiles.. and even when she's not, she like almost on the verge of doing so.. her eyebrows have this really cute arches.. haha. ^^

so, what's left is this: i kinda wanna say.. i.. (transmission ended.)