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haha.
Friday, 13 April 2007

stop lying to yourself joshua. its just got worse, not better. everything you believed in was big goddamn lie.

yeah, i'm not okay. just the luckiest kid on earth. period.

fine, i'm a spoilt brat, its my fault okay? but, if a kid breaks a glass, who do you blame huh? the glass or the kid? who spoilt me? you did, mommy and daddy. and now you tell me i have to pick up the shattered bloody pieces of my life and fix myself, cos you guys are too busy killing each other. well, go ahead. kill yourselves. i don't care, i don't wanna care. just stop oh-so-accidentally stomping all over my broken dreams and CRUSHING ME.

it hurts deep inside, you sick parental failures. you think money solves all freaking problems, huh? well, you may be right, so lay it on thicker, cos that pitiful amount is not stopping the haemorrhaging.

i like it when you both say you love me, cos that's all you ever do. a lie i will no longer willingly believe.

mom, just shut up, get over your retrenchment, move past your menopause cum midlife crisis and learn to cook a decent meal. a silent mom is a perfect mom.

dad, i thought i loved you. maybe i just loved your money. so why does my heart freaking ache like after the OAC bloody log training chest press? you left me here in this shithole called a house with a mad woman for a mom. you ran away, you bloody loser, and gave me all your nice domestic problems. you think bringing the kids out for a meal, smile your nice perfect smile, say you love us a few times and everything will work out huh? oh yeah, you have been helpful in giving me advice (which you don't practice at all, hypocrite.) after all, talk is cheap and easy. i'm bloody broke, trying to adjust to this void you left, and cope with a new school environment where i'm failing almost everything.

well, stop threatening each other with divorce and actually go and get one. i can't stand this prolonged dull ache that's eating away at my soul. give me one good sharp pain instead. i was never made for marathons anyway.

i swear i'll eat only soya bean for breaks and lunch.

7:25 pm